Kiddushin 30: Educating One's Sons, Finding Partners for One's Children

Today's is a fascinating daf that touches upon a number of important and still-relevant questions.

• Fathers must marry off their sons
• Sons should be married between the ages of 16 and 22 or 18 and 24, depending on the rabbi
• Sons should be married and educated while the father continues to have some authority
• Fathers should teach their sons Torah - Bible, Mishna, Talmud, Agadot and Halachot
• Talmud might cover them all
• One may teach his son's sons, as well
• One may use a tutor to teach his sons
• Deuteronomy's imperative (11:9) to teach "your sons" refers to sons and grandsons; it excludes daughters*
• One should teach one's sons diligently, veshinnantam (Deuteronomy 6:7)
• The rabbis change that word to veshillashtam, related to the word 'three', so that we know to split education into three parts: study, review, study again
• All study could be split into three parts: Bible, Mishna, Talmud
• Study could be measured across one's lifetime (difficult to do accurately in advance as we do not know how long we will live) or with regard to daily study time

The rabbis digress and discuss how the Torah and other texts might be split into three or two.  Which is the middle letter of the Torah?  What do we do with that letter - do we attach it to the first or the second half of the Torah?  Should we be dividing the Torah according to numbers of verses?  Experts are better at counting letters and verses - should they be consulted?

The rabbis return to their conversation about how to educate:

• Veshinnantam might refer to speaking clearly and decisively
• One should know the Torah as well as he knows his sister (or, perhaps, as well as he knows the laws regarding forbidden relationships with one's sister)
• Even when fathers and son or rabbis and students become enemies over the intensity of study, they should end their learning with love for each other (Rabbi Chiyya bar Abba)
• The Sages teach that Torah study is like a bandage for one's wound
• We are shown examples of the Torah as a healer of the evil inclination

The Gemara continues its discussions about other responsibilities of a father:

• The baraita (29a) teaches that a father is commanded to marry his son to a woman, derived from Jeremiah (29:6) "Take wives and bear sons and daughters, and take wives for your sons and give your daughters to men".
• How might a man marry off his daughter, when this is the decision of someone else and his son?
• Land, clothing and money should be given to a daughter to increase her opportunities to marry
• Teaching one's son a trade is an analogy taken from Ecclesiastes (9:9): "Enjoy life with the wife whom you love"
• Teaching one's son to swim is a life skill
• Teaching one's son a trade is better than teaching one's son business, for a person requires money to begin a business whereas a trade will provide a person with food in the worst of times.

Finally, the Gemara considers the mitzvah to honour one's father and mother:

• honouring one's parents is similar to honouring G-d
• everyone has three parents: a mother, a father, and G-d who provides our soul
• a person who strikes his/her parent is put to death; this cannot be compared with the Omnipresent who could not be struck 
• one's mother might be honoured more than one's father because a mother is more encouraging and less harsh

* This could have as easily been interpreted in the opposite manner: "your sons" means your children, sons and daughters, but not your grandchildren.  The rabbis' choice of interpretation is telling.