Ketubot 3: Balancing multiple, competing values

Considering husbands who go abroad with gets 'in advance', the rabbis are unclear about whether or not these gets are enforceable.  Are there other similar circumstances?  The rabbis note that there are times when a get might be considered with leniency.  And this is directly connected to our first question about weddings on Wednesdays.

Apparently, a Gentile leader from town learned that weddings were on Wednesdays.  He would arrive just before these weddings and rape the virgin brides.  It is not clear whether this was a widespread practice or something that happened in one place; feared in all places.  The rabbis also consider whether or not it might be a time of danger; whether people were being subjected to religious persecution at the time of the specific weddings.  Then again, since when do we change halachot to address religious persecution?  While not an ideal solution, the rabbis clearly entertain the need, at times. to take these sorts of precautions.

The rabbis went to great effort to address these issue.  They considered the actions of virtuous women and of 'licentious' women who might be subject to violation.  But what action could they take?  If the rabbis were lenient regarding the status of these women, they feared that they would make it easy for 'licentious' women to engage in forbidden relations.  

What if they were to allow weddings on Tuesdays? Mondays?*  How might that affect the groom's preparations?  Or his willingness to avoid going to court after consummation?  And are these women going to kill themselves rather than risk their "virtue"?   A betrothal might be contingent on certain details, just like the get at hand might be contingent on whether or not the husband returns by a certain date.  The rabbis attempt to balance these (and other) considerations.

A small section of today's daf speaks about mourning.  If a bride's mother or a groom's father dies, there are different halachot than if a bride's father or a groom's mother dies just before the wedding.  It is assumed that the same-sex parent-child relationship is the stronger relationship; these parents are mourned more fully both during and after the first week of marriage.  In creating these halachot, the rabbis acknowledge the need to grieve but also the need to celebrate.  However, according to today's beliefs regarding death, it is hard to imagine celebrating a wedding just after a close relative dies, even a parent of a different sex.

Today's daf demonstrates the rabbis' attempts to weigh competing and complementary values against each other: 

• helping a couple desire each other
• minimizing rape of virgin brides by a Gentile
• mourning when a joyous occasion is at hand
• knowing that some people will take advantage of leniencies
• knowing that some people will kill themselves rather than follow a leniency
• maintaining halachot in the face of persecution
• surviving in the face of persecution
• ensuring that women do not remarry without a valid get and thus have mamzerim with a second husband
• accounting for avoidable and unavoidable circumstances

and much more.  Our rabbis certainly tackled huge questions.  And they managed to have conversations that included these varied and relevant points.  Quite amazing to learn.


*We learn in a note that the Ordinance of Ezra detailed the specific Monday and Thursday court dates.  Before his time, court was not regulated and court times were extremely unpredictable.