Ketubot 63: Rebellious Women, Those Disgusted With Their Husbands

Because the past two dapim, Ketubot 61 and Ketubot 62 fell on the first two days of Pesach (2015), I have not blogged since daf 60.  Dapim 61 and 62 are filled with fascinating ideas about conjugal relations: men with different professions are required to have intercourse with their wives a certain number of times each week or month.  Physical labourers are required to do less than Torah scholars and much less than men of leisure.  Friday evening is the preferred time for conjugal relations, as night is preferable to daytime for intercourse and Shabbat is preferable to any other day for such acts of holiness.  Men are required to return to their wives after one or two months of working away; women are not to be denied their right of conjugal relations.

This view of sex is incredibly different from that of mainstream, modern, North American views.  Conjugal relations are a woman's right.  Not for women's pleasure, but for producing children. Thus children are a woman's right in marriage.  Men are to provide women with the opportunity to have children.    

Today's daf, Ketubot 63, begins with examples of Torah scholars who leave their wives and families for extended periods of time, always with their wives' acquiescence (at least, we are told that these women are pious and thrilled to have their husbands leave them for twelve years to learn and teach Torah).  

A new Mishna teaches us that each time that women rebels against their husbands, seven dinars are deducted from each ketubah.  It can also be deducted from one's inheritance.  Similarly, men who rebel against their wives are fined.  Three dinars are added to their wives' ketubot each week.

The Gemara first considers rebellion as a refusal to participate in conjugal relations.  For men who refuse their wives, that woman is permitted to divorce him, for he has not met the requirements of their marriage contract.  When a woman refuses intercourse, she may lose her ketubah.  The rabbis discuss the significance of conjugal relations compared with the ability to perform tasks.  A woman might be ill or menstruating.  When is she deemed a rebellious woman?  

Some of our rabbis want to to mitigate these consequences.  We are told that women who rebel against their husbands are publicly shamed: their names are announced in synagogue over the course of four Shabbatot.  However, some rabbis argue that women should be consulted with, twice, to ensure that she wishes to endure the consequences of her choices.  Further, the rabbis have different opinions about how accommodating they should be to women who are deemed rebellious.  Should they lose rights to some of their clothing, for example?  

Beyond being called a rebellious woman, the rabbis recognize that there are a number of reasons that a woman might wish to divorce her husband.  She might be upset with him, and though she does not truly wish to divorce him, she wishes to hurt him.  denying him conjugal rights would hurt him.  In these cases, the Rabbis do not compel them to divorce. 

Women must have claimed that they found their husbands "disgusting", for there is a fair degree of attention given to that particular complaint.  All of the rabbis agree that women who say "I am disgusted by my husband" are not compelled to live with those husbands.  However, the rabbis have different opinions on whether or not husband should be compelled to divorce those wives.   While Rambam and Rashi hold that opinion, many others disagree with them.  They claim that such a husband is not compelled to divorce his disgusted wife.  She is not considered to be a rebellious woman, though, and she does not lose the rights that are lost by a rebellious woman.

Often the rabbis make decisions that radically affect women's lives without having truly examined the considerations of women.  It is wonderful to appreciate today's daf that demonstrates many rabbis advocating for women and their experiences.  Even when the halacha does not rule in their favour, these rabbis seem to understand that women's lives might not be bearable in certain circumstances.