Nedarim 91: Do We Believe A Woman Who Says That She Has Been Raped?

Our last daf of Masechet Nedarim focuses on how to manage claims of rape.  Because I did not blog about daf 90 on Shabbat, I will summarize a few points here: the new Mishna teaches that three women will receive their ketubot even if they are divorced against their husbands’ wills.  These are:

1) the wife of a priest who says “I am defiled to you”, meaning that she was raped;

2) a wife who says “Heaven is between me and you”, meaning that her husband is impotent  - which cannot be independently proven

3) a wife who vows that she is “removed from the Jews”, meaning that she cannot benefit from intercourse with any Jew including her husband

The Sages then retracted their words, believing that women might become enamoured with other men and use these excuses to leave their marriages.  They say that in the first case, she must bring proof that she was raped.  In the second case, she must request a divorce through the court.  In the final case, the husband must nullify the vow that pertains to him so that she may still engage with intercourse with him. However,  her vow will hold and she will not be permitted to have intercourse with anyone else should he die or divorce her.

The rabbis discuss many of the details surrounding these suggested halachot.  The differences between the wives of Israelites face different consequences for extramarital intercourse than those faced by wives of Priests.  We learn that a woman married to an Israelite who willingly has sex with another man loses the right to her ketuba but does not become forbidden to her husband.  Similarly, if she was raped, she is permitted to her husband and she maintains rights to her ketuba.  If married to a priest, a woman who is raped must leave her husband.  She still receives her ketuba.

There is a good amount of effort spent on when a woman is believed.  Would she blatantly and brazenly lie?  In front of her husband?  Outside of her husband’s presence?  When might she be embarrassed to speak falsely?  When would her husband know if she were lying?  An example is when a wife might say that her husband “does not shoot like an arrow”.  This is a euphemism for impotence, where a husband would not know whether or not his ejaculation is powerful enough but his wife might be able to feel the difference.  Of course, the assumption here is that a man would not ejaculate outside of his wife’s body at any time and thus no one could know if there is a problem or not. 

Our masechet ends with a number of stories of women who may have been unfaithful to their husbands.  The stories are both laughable and disturbing.  In most cases, women are found to be lying when the rabbis walk through their theoretical situations.  Clearly, the rabbis have focused on men's experiences of a woman's experience of rape.  

Interestingly, the Sages' initial responses were very sympathetic to Jewish women who claimed that they were raped, that their husbands were impotent, or that they did wished to abstain from intercourse.  The rabbis responded to that sympathy with defensiveness.  Why was it so difficult to stay with the possibility that women were telling the truth?  

I imagine that some women were lying about rape, impotence or the 'righteous reasons' for naziriteship.  However, our rabbis do not consider why a woman might want to avoid intercourse.  Instead, they jump to the notion that women wish to have intercourse with men other than their husbands. 

How have these interpretations affected the lives of women over the past 2000 years?  It is amazing to see that our understanding of women’s experiences continues to focus on men’s interpretations of our experiences.