Pesachim 106 a, b

I continue to learn more about prayers through reading Pesachim than I did through reading Berachot.  Today we look at the timing and ritual of reciting kiddush, the origins of the wine used for kiddush, and timing limitations on reciting kiddush and havdala. As today's daf was again short and relatively straightforward, I find myself amazed at how quickly I was able to learn!

We begin with a conversation that clarifies the rabbi's argument about separate cups of wine for separate blessings. It seems that the rabbis are concerned that not enough wine will be left in the cup to twice drink the required measure.  This takes the rabbis to another argument, as some of our Sages would not say blessings over wine that had been poured from a pitcher used for other purposes.  One rabbi would not use wine from a barrel that had been used for other purposes!  Other rabbis argue that the stringency regarded pitchers/barrels from which someone had drunk directly.

The rabbis use proof texts to explain the use of wine and/or bread in the kiddish.  In Exodus 20:7, we are told to "Remember the day of Shabbat to sanctify it."  We remember with wine, and we remember with wine immediately after the kiddish/sanctification of the day.   The day, and not the night.  'The' day in particular, et yom, and thus more than one kiddish over the course of Shabbat.

We are told a story of Rav Ashi, who was asked to recite the great kiddish when visiting Mechoza.  Kedusha raba... is that longer than our one sentence?  Rav Ashi was ready to elongate the blessing when he noticed an elder of Mechoza drink at the end of kiddush, "Who creates the fruit of the vine".  Steinsaltz notes that we puzzle over this story; how would Rav Ashi have lengthened the blessing?  And what is so great about the great kiddish?  Is it referring to frequency?  And, as interesting, Rav Ashi complements himself at the end of the tale on his ability to read the crowd and figure out that the great kiddush was the same as the kiddush.

The rabbis remind us that 'after Shabbat' can refer to three days after Shabbat.  This is the case with regard to ketubot and other contractual law.  Further, 'before Shabbat' can mean the fourth day, the fifth day, or the first half of the sixth day of the week.  These clarifications help us to understand what it means when havdala can be recited after Shabbat.

Today's daf ends with the start of a conversation about eating and havdala.  Our Sages begin to ask questions about whether one can wash hands before kiddush over wine and over bread, whether one can eat between the end of Shabbat and havdala, whether one can choose to say kiddush only over wine or only over bread.

A very short but telling story ends the daf.  Rav Yirmeya bar Abba is visiting the home of Rav Asi and he observes a different custom, eating between Shabbat's conclusion and havdala.  Rav Asi's wife speaks up: "But my Master does not do this!"  Rav Asi responds with "Leave it... he does in accordance with his rabbi."

I find this story interesting for a number of reasons:

• Rav Asi's wife's words are recorded here
• Rav Asi's wife spoke her opinion
• Rav Asi shut her down
• Ravi Asi's wife knew that her husband would agree with her; their guest was wrong!
• Rav Asi allowed a variant custom in his home - when regarding a guest's behaviour

I wonder if Rav Asi's wife had ever tried to vary her husband's rituals/customs.  She may have expected a response like those she had received in the past: a reprimand, a correction, a lecture, something more violent?  But in the end, Rav Asi chose to respect his colleague's rabbi over his wife's feelings, and she was in the room.  

Of course, this could be an erroneous extrapolation - perhaps Rav Asi's wife was continually rude to guests.  Perhaps she had a habit of correcting people's ritual observance.  But given the power structure of the time, it is likely that Rav Asi's wife thought that she would be supported by her husband in these circumstances.

Final thought: I wonder how relationships work when couples are disrespectful to each other in front of  guests.  As a social worker (when I'm not learning Talmud), I understand that this type of behaviour is terribly damaging.  But so many couples stay together despite being continually hurt by each other.  This opens up questions about divorce, ketubot, gets, support for abused partners, expectations of the community... but that is enough for now.